Have I Really Done What I Want?

Wake up every morning to the smell of freshly brewed coffee, a ritual that’s become as natural as breathing. My business, Kopi Merah Putih, is thriving multiple locations, a loyal customer base, and a vision that’s resonating with so many. On paper, I’ve got it all: on progress, stability, and a sense of purpose. But here’s the thing; I can’t shake the feeling that something’s missing. That quiet voice inside keeps asking: Is this really what I want? Have I been chasing goals just to check them off, or is there something deeper that I’m still searching for?

Sure, I’ve nailed the basics: food, clothes, a roof over my head. But once you've got all that, what’s next? Does life get boring once you’ve reached your goals? Or is it that we’re always chasing something because, deep down, we're never fully "done" searching?

Now, as I’m gearing up for grad school at the University of Indonesia to study Environmental Science, I’m hoping it’ll open new doors. Not just in terms of understanding the world around me, but maybe understanding myself better, too. Maybe through this journey, I’ll uncover deeper meaning than just business success or material gains.

I’m realizing that the daily grind isn’t about racing to the finish line. It’s about learning to enjoy every step along the way. Maybe the real win isn’t in “getting there,” but in the fact that I’m always growing, always evolving. The journey is the point.

And who knows, life stays interesting because we never really know what’s coming next. Every day is another shot to learn, grow, and find deeper meaning in what we do. So, have I found what I’m looking for yet? Probably not. But that’s kinda the beauty of it through the search, I keep discovering new things that make life worth it.

So for now, I’m rolling with it. Maybe that’s what makes life exciting: the never-ending quest to figure it all out.

Setengah jalan di korea

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Why

(now playing: pamungkas - to the bone)

Talking about life's journey milestones is always fascinating. Every era, every stage, and the moments that come with them bring lessons learned along the way.

This time, my journey led me to step away from the coffee business in Depok. We started with a long-term plan that, allhamdulillah, we hit (and even exceeded) our targets.

Three months have flown by, and it’s always the same, like in Bandung. I start them up, set up the business systems, and after about three months, it's time to move on and chase the next milestone.

I still want to dive into the same kind of business and keep expanding. This time, I need a stepping stone to build a strong brand, and it definitely needs to be in a big city. Central Jakarta, is my target to continue the coffee business and, at the same time, further my studies at the University of Indonesia's School of Environmental Sciences.

June will be my last active month with the Depok coffee operations. In October, I’ll be registering for the third wave of the SIMAK UI entrance exam. I have a four-month gap to prep for everything. It's a solid amount of time.

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Sometimes, these journeys feel like a breath being drawn during the transition of quarterly moments. Looking back, everything I’ve been through and planned has passed just like that, with no turning back.

"Why?" always stands as the primary question and statement in these journeys, compared to "How?" or "What?". I always want to be someone with dreams and principles. Not just someone who knows how to do things practically and instantly. But maybe that’s also what's tough to explain to people with different principles.

I’m always grateful and never forget my family, who put up with my stubbornness every day and accept my life choices. I’m super thankful for that.

Shout out! to the café near Kopi Merah Putih Depok called Le Túsa. It's always a cozy spot to write, read books, and be productive in this new chapter of life.

3 AM

(now playing: Fletch - Tiga Pagi)

There's something different about consistently doing something. What I'm feeling now is the absence of fatigue and complaints towards doing what we believe is right, what we believe is good, and what aligns with the purpose of our lives.

This morning, I'm still at the kopi merah putih, doing my usual routine every day. Consistently doing it and prioritizing it over other activities. It's been a whole day without sleep. But there's something strange right now when I, who should be sleeping, can't seem to close my eyes and keep thinking about something exciting that I need to do and express. Maybe this is what they call passion from the concept of ikigai, or maybe this is just a stage of adulthood as I'm now 23. I'm really enjoying it.

Fletch's song titled Tiga Pagi perfectly describes how I feel right now. The meaning of the song about 3 AM, which is related to the spiritual aspect in Islam called tahajud prayer. Maybe this is the same thing I'm feeling about brain regeneration in one night when the whole world is silent. Sometimes we reconsider life and its purpose.